This is Real

Hi...
My name is Katie Lane.
Scratch that.  You all need to know who I really am.

Hi.
My name is Sydnee Sparks.
Haha well now its out there...

If you really knew me you would have known this was my blog from the moment we had our first blog post.  And if you didn't figure it out by then... then if you kind of knew me you would have figured if out from the love post... Haha but oh well.  You all know me now.
If you really knew me you would know that I am terrified of Spiders.  More than terrified.  I think I actually have legit arachnophobia.  If you really knew me you would know that I love Robin Hood.  with a dying passion.  If you really knew me you would know that I am really good at keeping other peoples secrets.  But my own secrets... I am not so good at keeping those.  But there is quite a bit people don't know about me because they never have cared to ask.  But I assume I have forgotten to ask people those questions as well.  If you really knew me you would know that I fell in love with Ultimate Frisbee.  And in the process I fell in love with a boy.  An amazing boy I didn't think existed.  And if you really knew me then you already know his name.  If you really knew me then you would know I am a Harry Potter nerd and just had my annual Harry Potter Marathon of watching all 8 movies in one sitting.  If you really knew me you would know that I love everyone.  But I am only IN love with one.

Things Forgotten

I remember hearing my dad wake up late at night and going downstairs to eat ice cream and watch TV.  I would sneak down after him and join him.  I remember the one birthday I had to wake up early and go on Trek... I never want to do that again.  I remember when I thought stake dances were the coolest funnest thing ever.  I remember when twenty bucks was A LOT of money.  I remember staying up super late on a school night finishing Frozen with the boy of my dreams who hadn't seen it yet.  I remember all of the worst dates.  But if only I could choose a best date, because their are surprisingly to many.  I remember my first break up and how devastated I was.  I remember finding a man so much better than the last.  I remember the summers where all I wore were swimsuits and I was never inside.  I remember filling up normal sized balloons with water and jumping on the tramp with them because they wouldn't pop.  I remember letting Wyatt drive my car when I knew my parents would kill me if they found out.  I remember finding a paint splatter that looked like a llama on my door.  I remember when my best friend revealed secrets to me that I didn't want to believe.  I remember being a 7th grader and being terrified of going to the HUGE school Timberline... little did I know how little it was compared to Lone Peak.  And now I think, just wait for college.  I remember receiving my first paycheck from my first job that I quit after the first day of working.  Thank you Little Caesars!  I remember making making my first snow cone at snoasis.  I remember the Christmas that I got my Thomas the Train train track.  I remember my first Hannah Montana CD and how excited I was.  I remember the Christmas that I made all of my friends Christmas hats.  I remember saying "I love you" over and over and never thinking it was enough to prove how much I love him.  I remember going to San Fransisco and getting out of the car wanting to stretch and running over to Brandon and for some reason he hugged me and spun me around, I was so confused but it was super fun.  I remember throwing chicken nuggets at all of my friends at McDonald's and them catching them in their mouths.  I remember when Garrett skied some boy at the San Fran tournament and he somehow got so much air and crushed the guy.  Then McKay yelled out "Sydnee!"  and that forever became a joke among the Ultimate people.  I remember being called Gardnee Pharks by everyone and them Brother Atwood joining in.  I remember hating piano with a passion.  I remember my first kiss and how I thought he was trying to eat me.  I remember the night that Brennan spied on Garrett and I saying goodbye.  I remember my second kiss and how it was so unexpected but started the greatest thing of my life.  I remember the day he left and how I balled and cried for hours on end.  I had the puffiest eyes the next day at school.  I remember being attacked by Dixie because she attacks the person being attacked.  I remember when we played volleyball at MORP and how bad I was at it, but how insanely fun it was.  I remember making fun of the way Garrett hit the ball then both of us realizing I hit it the same way.  I remember Homecoming and how we skipped around the commons holding hands looking for everyone else in our group.  I remember the song "Shake it off" came on by Taylor Swift and we were in such a great groove that we were moving in sync and nothing could have been better.  I remember getting my wisdom teeth then having Dennis ask me if I would like an apple...  I remember meeting Aunt Crissy and loving her so much!  I remember going to flo rider and just sitting with Kathy and Crissy and chatting about Garrett and they asked all about how we met and started liking each other.  I remember going to the Lacrosse Game in the spring and falling in love with the boy who I thought wouldn't come.

BEAR HUNT

Bears killed hunters, bears eat humans during changes.

Follow Your Heart

My heart aches.  My heart aches without you here.

I never knew I could physically hurt from someone leaving my life.

But trust me.  It has taken its toll.

Life is worth living only because I know you will be back in time.

I couldn't imagine life without you before you left. 

I am scared for the day when you return... don't get me wrong I want to be with you forever and always and never want to leave your side.

But I am scared.  Scared that by the time you return instead of not being able to imagine life without you it will have turned into not being able to imagine you coming back...

i hope that day comes soon so that my heart can stop the hurt.  stop the pain of not being by your side.

Home is where my heart is.

My heart is with you, but you are 1,237.24 miles away from me.

That is why my heart hurts.  Its being stretched over miles and miles of land.  

But it is worth it if a part of me gets to be with you.  

I love you.  To the moon and back.  No matter the distance or circumstance I will always love you.

Can we all be Ducks?

Bottoms up. Nature is great. 

Today I Met Death In The Face

Today I met death in the face.
Why. Why did I have to meet you again death?
I am sick of you coming into my life and taking what is mine.
I did not expect to meet you today, but you crashed the party.
Today you took a friend.
Ironically its on the day I have to write about you that you come.
The sadness and suffering I have seen today is to much to explain.
Do you do these things for fun?
Some people are to young. How can you feel justified taking them.
Death is hard. And life is hard.
Maybe what we don't realize is that death doesn't like his job.
Or death sees more than us here and knows that sometimes people need to go.
He sees the bigger picture and takes them to a better place.
But all we see is death carrying away the ones we love and call friend.
Death came to quick. I don't think anyone was ready.
Its left a hole in my heart and destruction all around.
Hunter.
I will miss you bud.  We haven't talked to much lately but I remember growing up.  All the fishing trips. Hahaha and the stupid Trek.  Playing Night games every night in those young summers, where we had no problems, I never thought it would come to this.  You ARE loved.  You ARE missed.  I know you are in a better place now and that the Lord is there helping you.  All your sorrows and trials are over and I want you to know we will miss you. 
Today I met death in the Face.
But as I looked death in the face, I knew you were in a better place.

Rest in piece Hunter.  You are loved.

my fear is of me

I'm afraid.
afraid of you.
No, not OF you. But of losing you.
I couldn't bear the thought.
I know it won't happen unless... unless I make the choice of letting you go.
That is why it scares me... Because it will be my choice and I don't want to hurt you in any way.
I love you.
It makes me sick to think about even being around anyone else without you by my side.
In five years time will I be by your side?
It all depends on how I live my life.
Can I live up to the potential?
When you come home will I be on your level?
Will I be where I need to be to stay with you?
I don't want to drag you down, I want to be the one to lift you up.
You bring so much light and comfort to my life.
the least i could do is do the same for you.

My fear really isn't of you.
My fear is of me.