my fear is of me

I'm afraid.
afraid of you.
No, not OF you. But of losing you.
I couldn't bear the thought.
I know it won't happen unless... unless I make the choice of letting you go.
That is why it scares me... Because it will be my choice and I don't want to hurt you in any way.
I love you.
It makes me sick to think about even being around anyone else without you by my side.
In five years time will I be by your side?
It all depends on how I live my life.
Can I live up to the potential?
When you come home will I be on your level?
Will I be where I need to be to stay with you?
I don't want to drag you down, I want to be the one to lift you up.
You bring so much light and comfort to my life.
the least i could do is do the same for you.

My fear really isn't of you.
My fear is of me.  

marcel the shell with shoes on

Fear:  An unpleasant emotion caused by the BELIEF that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.
Fear is only the belief that things are dangerous.  That is why so many people can be scared of something so unlikely.  Its only a belief that something is scary or dangerous.

Marcel the shell has an irrational fear that if she drinks to much soda the bubbles will make her float to the ceiling...  That seams totally bizarre to humans but I am sure that for a shell it is a real fear.  I would be afraid of that if I were a shell...


We need to know our fears so that we can either avoid them or overcome them.
Overcoming them is scary but that is an irrational fear.

My lifes feelings

Life can be a pain.  It brings things that make you so sad that you cry all day long.  But life also brings the happiest of things.  That is what makes life the best.  How can I live without the good and the bad.  I can't.  I've got to take both.  Even though the bad is crappy and makes me feel worthless and the feeling of dread creeps into my stomach, The good still seems to shine through.  I need the bad to feel the immense joy of the good.

How to fall in love

Falling in Love is probably, in my opinion, one of the best feelings in the world.  And if it is true love that feeling just grows and grows.  You think it can't get any bigger or feel any better but it does.  It just keeps growing.  Love never fails.

How to fall in Love:

HA! you think their are steps for that?

Nope.  no steps.  it'll just happen in time. Trust me!

Just be yourself, meet new people.  Branch out and be nice to someone new.

It may be fast... It may be slow...  You never know.

Talk to people.  You have to get to know people to fall in love.  Its not going to be love at first sight.  It may be crush at first sight, but not love.

Have freak out moments!  When he kisses you and you feel yourself falling in love with him, scream and dance and jump up and down!  Its a great feeling, so be happy!

How to fall in love is to just fall...

Everyone will fall at one point and everyone gets hurt.  But trust me falling in love Rocks!

Don't try and find steps... just find Love.

I Love you. A punch and a peck.

I love you. More than you know.  To the moon and back. and not just once, infinite times!  I just love you the length of the galaxy.  Which the galaxy is infinite.  Therefore I love you infinity.  Which is so much more than you could love me.  Trust me.  I don't know what I will do without you.  You are leaving.  I am staying.  I love you so much I might explode!  I will cry every night.  I do cry every night just thinking about life without you.  I love your little quarks.  They are so dang cute!  The way you smile when you are tired.  They way you look at me and say "What!?"  with that look of shock in your face even though we are talking about something that isn't very shocking.  When you explain things you do it so well but first when you gather your thoughts you move your hand above your head a bit. like you are trying to place what is in your brain in the air.  but i understand.  I understand you.  I know you.  I can tell when that little smirk is on your face that you are lying.  They way you blink your eyes open in the dark.  I can't help but smile.  I know you will be amazing where you are going.  and people need you there.  But I need you... The good thing is though that I can wait.  I can wait those two years.  You are bringing people to happiness.  The least I can do is let you go for two years so you can bring others the happiness we will eventually have.  I can't wait for that day.  I play it over and over in my head.  i can't seem to get it out.  and i don't mind that.  Let it keep playing.  Because I love you.  More than you know.  It is indescribable.  There are no words.  Only feelings.  I think I have fallen in love.  Hard and fast.  but it has stayed forever.  I love you forever and always.  I know this is messy... but that is how love is.  I don't care how messy it is, I just care about you.  I love you.  A punch and a peck... and a kiss around the neck.

DifFereNt

                                                                        Different
                                                                things. Different
                                                          people.  The Difference
                                                                of numbers.  The
                                                                      Difference
                                                                            of
                                                                      feelings.
                                                                         The
                                               Difference of Love and the Difference
                                                                      of Hate.
                                                                         Do
                                                                       those
                                                                        who
                                                                        are
                                                                     Different
                                                                    know that
                                                              they are Different?
                                                         What even    is Different? 
                                                       Because               if we are all
                                                   Different...                   wouldn't                              
                                                            Different be Normal? 




Different things. Different people.  The Difference of numbers.  The Difference of feelings.  The Difference of Love and the Difference of Hate.  Do those who are Different know that they are Different?  What even is Different?  Because if we are all Different... wouldn't Different be Normal?