This is Real

Hi...
My name is Katie Lane.
Scratch that.  You all need to know who I really am.

Hi.
My name is Sydnee Sparks.
Haha well now its out there...

If you really knew me you would have known this was my blog from the moment we had our first blog post.  And if you didn't figure it out by then... then if you kind of knew me you would have figured if out from the love post... Haha but oh well.  You all know me now.
If you really knew me you would know that I am terrified of Spiders.  More than terrified.  I think I actually have legit arachnophobia.  If you really knew me you would know that I love Robin Hood.  with a dying passion.  If you really knew me you would know that I am really good at keeping other peoples secrets.  But my own secrets... I am not so good at keeping those.  But there is quite a bit people don't know about me because they never have cared to ask.  But I assume I have forgotten to ask people those questions as well.  If you really knew me you would know that I fell in love with Ultimate Frisbee.  And in the process I fell in love with a boy.  An amazing boy I didn't think existed.  And if you really knew me then you already know his name.  If you really knew me then you would know I am a Harry Potter nerd and just had my annual Harry Potter Marathon of watching all 8 movies in one sitting.  If you really knew me you would know that I love everyone.  But I am only IN love with one.

Things Forgotten

I remember hearing my dad wake up late at night and going downstairs to eat ice cream and watch TV.  I would sneak down after him and join him.  I remember the one birthday I had to wake up early and go on Trek... I never want to do that again.  I remember when I thought stake dances were the coolest funnest thing ever.  I remember when twenty bucks was A LOT of money.  I remember staying up super late on a school night finishing Frozen with the boy of my dreams who hadn't seen it yet.  I remember all of the worst dates.  But if only I could choose a best date, because their are surprisingly to many.  I remember my first break up and how devastated I was.  I remember finding a man so much better than the last.  I remember the summers where all I wore were swimsuits and I was never inside.  I remember filling up normal sized balloons with water and jumping on the tramp with them because they wouldn't pop.  I remember letting Wyatt drive my car when I knew my parents would kill me if they found out.  I remember finding a paint splatter that looked like a llama on my door.  I remember when my best friend revealed secrets to me that I didn't want to believe.  I remember being a 7th grader and being terrified of going to the HUGE school Timberline... little did I know how little it was compared to Lone Peak.  And now I think, just wait for college.  I remember receiving my first paycheck from my first job that I quit after the first day of working.  Thank you Little Caesars!  I remember making making my first snow cone at snoasis.  I remember the Christmas that I got my Thomas the Train train track.  I remember my first Hannah Montana CD and how excited I was.  I remember the Christmas that I made all of my friends Christmas hats.  I remember saying "I love you" over and over and never thinking it was enough to prove how much I love him.  I remember going to San Fransisco and getting out of the car wanting to stretch and running over to Brandon and for some reason he hugged me and spun me around, I was so confused but it was super fun.  I remember throwing chicken nuggets at all of my friends at McDonald's and them catching them in their mouths.  I remember when Garrett skied some boy at the San Fran tournament and he somehow got so much air and crushed the guy.  Then McKay yelled out "Sydnee!"  and that forever became a joke among the Ultimate people.  I remember being called Gardnee Pharks by everyone and them Brother Atwood joining in.  I remember hating piano with a passion.  I remember my first kiss and how I thought he was trying to eat me.  I remember the night that Brennan spied on Garrett and I saying goodbye.  I remember my second kiss and how it was so unexpected but started the greatest thing of my life.  I remember the day he left and how I balled and cried for hours on end.  I had the puffiest eyes the next day at school.  I remember being attacked by Dixie because she attacks the person being attacked.  I remember when we played volleyball at MORP and how bad I was at it, but how insanely fun it was.  I remember making fun of the way Garrett hit the ball then both of us realizing I hit it the same way.  I remember Homecoming and how we skipped around the commons holding hands looking for everyone else in our group.  I remember the song "Shake it off" came on by Taylor Swift and we were in such a great groove that we were moving in sync and nothing could have been better.  I remember getting my wisdom teeth then having Dennis ask me if I would like an apple...  I remember meeting Aunt Crissy and loving her so much!  I remember going to flo rider and just sitting with Kathy and Crissy and chatting about Garrett and they asked all about how we met and started liking each other.  I remember going to the Lacrosse Game in the spring and falling in love with the boy who I thought wouldn't come.

BEAR HUNT

Bears killed hunters, bears eat humans during changes.

Follow Your Heart

My heart aches.  My heart aches without you here.

I never knew I could physically hurt from someone leaving my life.

But trust me.  It has taken its toll.

Life is worth living only because I know you will be back in time.

I couldn't imagine life without you before you left. 

I am scared for the day when you return... don't get me wrong I want to be with you forever and always and never want to leave your side.

But I am scared.  Scared that by the time you return instead of not being able to imagine life without you it will have turned into not being able to imagine you coming back...

i hope that day comes soon so that my heart can stop the hurt.  stop the pain of not being by your side.

Home is where my heart is.

My heart is with you, but you are 1,237.24 miles away from me.

That is why my heart hurts.  Its being stretched over miles and miles of land.  

But it is worth it if a part of me gets to be with you.  

I love you.  To the moon and back.  No matter the distance or circumstance I will always love you.

Can we all be Ducks?

Bottoms up. Nature is great. 

Today I Met Death In The Face

Today I met death in the face.
Why. Why did I have to meet you again death?
I am sick of you coming into my life and taking what is mine.
I did not expect to meet you today, but you crashed the party.
Today you took a friend.
Ironically its on the day I have to write about you that you come.
The sadness and suffering I have seen today is to much to explain.
Do you do these things for fun?
Some people are to young. How can you feel justified taking them.
Death is hard. And life is hard.
Maybe what we don't realize is that death doesn't like his job.
Or death sees more than us here and knows that sometimes people need to go.
He sees the bigger picture and takes them to a better place.
But all we see is death carrying away the ones we love and call friend.
Death came to quick. I don't think anyone was ready.
Its left a hole in my heart and destruction all around.
Hunter.
I will miss you bud.  We haven't talked to much lately but I remember growing up.  All the fishing trips. Hahaha and the stupid Trek.  Playing Night games every night in those young summers, where we had no problems, I never thought it would come to this.  You ARE loved.  You ARE missed.  I know you are in a better place now and that the Lord is there helping you.  All your sorrows and trials are over and I want you to know we will miss you. 
Today I met death in the Face.
But as I looked death in the face, I knew you were in a better place.

Rest in piece Hunter.  You are loved.

my fear is of me

I'm afraid.
afraid of you.
No, not OF you. But of losing you.
I couldn't bear the thought.
I know it won't happen unless... unless I make the choice of letting you go.
That is why it scares me... Because it will be my choice and I don't want to hurt you in any way.
I love you.
It makes me sick to think about even being around anyone else without you by my side.
In five years time will I be by your side?
It all depends on how I live my life.
Can I live up to the potential?
When you come home will I be on your level?
Will I be where I need to be to stay with you?
I don't want to drag you down, I want to be the one to lift you up.
You bring so much light and comfort to my life.
the least i could do is do the same for you.

My fear really isn't of you.
My fear is of me.  

marcel the shell with shoes on

Fear:  An unpleasant emotion caused by the BELIEF that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.
Fear is only the belief that things are dangerous.  That is why so many people can be scared of something so unlikely.  Its only a belief that something is scary or dangerous.

Marcel the shell has an irrational fear that if she drinks to much soda the bubbles will make her float to the ceiling...  That seams totally bizarre to humans but I am sure that for a shell it is a real fear.  I would be afraid of that if I were a shell...


We need to know our fears so that we can either avoid them or overcome them.
Overcoming them is scary but that is an irrational fear.

My lifes feelings

Life can be a pain.  It brings things that make you so sad that you cry all day long.  But life also brings the happiest of things.  That is what makes life the best.  How can I live without the good and the bad.  I can't.  I've got to take both.  Even though the bad is crappy and makes me feel worthless and the feeling of dread creeps into my stomach, The good still seems to shine through.  I need the bad to feel the immense joy of the good.

How to fall in love

Falling in Love is probably, in my opinion, one of the best feelings in the world.  And if it is true love that feeling just grows and grows.  You think it can't get any bigger or feel any better but it does.  It just keeps growing.  Love never fails.

How to fall in Love:

HA! you think their are steps for that?

Nope.  no steps.  it'll just happen in time. Trust me!

Just be yourself, meet new people.  Branch out and be nice to someone new.

It may be fast... It may be slow...  You never know.

Talk to people.  You have to get to know people to fall in love.  Its not going to be love at first sight.  It may be crush at first sight, but not love.

Have freak out moments!  When he kisses you and you feel yourself falling in love with him, scream and dance and jump up and down!  Its a great feeling, so be happy!

How to fall in love is to just fall...

Everyone will fall at one point and everyone gets hurt.  But trust me falling in love Rocks!

Don't try and find steps... just find Love.

I Love you. A punch and a peck.

I love you. More than you know.  To the moon and back. and not just once, infinite times!  I just love you the length of the galaxy.  Which the galaxy is infinite.  Therefore I love you infinity.  Which is so much more than you could love me.  Trust me.  I don't know what I will do without you.  You are leaving.  I am staying.  I love you so much I might explode!  I will cry every night.  I do cry every night just thinking about life without you.  I love your little quarks.  They are so dang cute!  The way you smile when you are tired.  They way you look at me and say "What!?"  with that look of shock in your face even though we are talking about something that isn't very shocking.  When you explain things you do it so well but first when you gather your thoughts you move your hand above your head a bit. like you are trying to place what is in your brain in the air.  but i understand.  I understand you.  I know you.  I can tell when that little smirk is on your face that you are lying.  They way you blink your eyes open in the dark.  I can't help but smile.  I know you will be amazing where you are going.  and people need you there.  But I need you... The good thing is though that I can wait.  I can wait those two years.  You are bringing people to happiness.  The least I can do is let you go for two years so you can bring others the happiness we will eventually have.  I can't wait for that day.  I play it over and over in my head.  i can't seem to get it out.  and i don't mind that.  Let it keep playing.  Because I love you.  More than you know.  It is indescribable.  There are no words.  Only feelings.  I think I have fallen in love.  Hard and fast.  but it has stayed forever.  I love you forever and always.  I know this is messy... but that is how love is.  I don't care how messy it is, I just care about you.  I love you.  A punch and a peck... and a kiss around the neck.

DifFereNt

                                                                        Different
                                                                things. Different
                                                          people.  The Difference
                                                                of numbers.  The
                                                                      Difference
                                                                            of
                                                                      feelings.
                                                                         The
                                               Difference of Love and the Difference
                                                                      of Hate.
                                                                         Do
                                                                       those
                                                                        who
                                                                        are
                                                                     Different
                                                                    know that
                                                              they are Different?
                                                         What even    is Different? 
                                                       Because               if we are all
                                                   Different...                   wouldn't                              
                                                            Different be Normal? 




Different things. Different people.  The Difference of numbers.  The Difference of feelings.  The Difference of Love and the Difference of Hate.  Do those who are Different know that they are Different?  What even is Different?  Because if we are all Different... wouldn't Different be Normal? 

Never grow up

The feeling of growing up scares me...  In two years I will be going to college!  College is hard...  It scares me.  I don't want to be alone during that time.  But I will be.  All my friends will choose different paths.  Will I see them again?  No one know.  Growing up scares me.  I don't want to pay for houseing and bills.  I don't understand taxes!  What will I do?  I have no clue.  It all seems to rush on me at once every time I think about it.  I will have so many new responsibilities.  How will I keep them in order?  I still want to have fun.  I don't want to be that boring person that is to scared of messing up to take chances.  I want to have fun and I do now.  But will I then?  I hope so.  To future me:  Have fun!  Take chances!  I hope life isn't to hard and that friends are returning to you.  Love your life for what you have, not what you don't have. 

At heart, never grow up!

(watch peter pan frequently... it might help;))

Friends are Bricks

Definition of Bricks:a small rectangular block typically made of fired or sun-dried clay, used in building.

Bricks are used for building.  They are used in houses and walls and brick ovens, they are a sturdy substance that forms a foundation.  Off of that foundation other things can be created.

Dated British Definition of bricks:a generous, helpful, and reliable person.

People are here on this earth for a reason.  They are friends.  They help us through the hard times.  Friends are the foundations of our lives.  They help us through hard times and we can always rely on them.  If not then they are not a brick.  They are not something you want your foundation to be made of.  They are more like sand... They will slip through your fingers and crumble away when you lean on them.  I want a brick in my life.  A foundation to lean on that won't falter.  May your friends be reliable.

May your friends be bricks. 

 

i know i love

Words can't do justice this boy I know.

He is indescribable.

I don't know how he does it, but I try to mimic.

He says I'm perfect...

But I know I am not the perfect one.

He is.

What is LOVE?

What is Love?
Because whatever Love is...
I Love it.
There is no explanation for Love.
Only feelings.
All I know is that I Love him.
Its a feeling of wanting to be with him every second.
Feeling his warm touch.
Knowing that he would do anything for me...
and I for him...
Feeling his lips press against mine.
Drawing me closer.
Nothing could be sweeter than the sound of his voice.
The things he says.
He says them so perfectly,
I wish I could do the same for him.
But I am not nearly as good with words as he is.
He deserves better...
but I love him and never would want him to leave me.
He will have to though...
For reasons...
But one day he may never have to leave in a sense.
I try to be more like him every day.
I don't know if that is the definition of Love...
But what I do know is that I Love him.
and I won't stop.
Because this feeling of Love...
I love.

Dramatic Stalking Cat

Haha I hate cats.  but they make for the funniest videos and memes.  Enjoy!
                 

be be bo beep

I am not a Robot. i am human.  i eat. i sleep.  i get sick.  i have allergies... and bad ones at that.  i get frustrated and flustered.  i make mistakes, and not because the person who told me what to do "Punched in the wrong instructions" but because i misinterpret things, i learn from mistakes... sometimes. i try.  i am not Programed to do one specific task.  I learn many different things.  i am  different.  i am unique.  i have different skills than those around me.  i think different thoughts.  i can recognize myself, it is not something programmed within me.  i just know its me.  i spell things rong.  i blush when ebarrased. Robots don't blush. Robots don't feel.  i don't know everything.  i get sad.  i cry. but my tears don't destroy me.  they don't ruin my networking because they are wet.  they simply relieve me of sorrows.  i can get hurt.  but i can recover. i can love. i am in love.  i am not a ROBOT.  we are not ROBOTS. we are HUMAN.